One early morning, I opened my eyes and the shimmering light from the sun
rise captured my attention. I was stunned..Wow! The beauty of His creation
is truly beyond comparison. While enjoying the view, I praised Allah for all
the beauty He has allowed me to experience all this while. Slowly, I stood
up and I could feel His presence.
He asked me, "Do you love me?"
I quickly answered, "Of course! You are my creator, why shouldn't
I love You!"
Then, He asked again, " If you were fated to be handicapped, would you
still love Me?"
I was a bit startled. Slowly, my sight swept across my hands, feet and the
whole body. I was aware of how difficult it would be for me to move
around without them. I never thought about that before this.
With a soft-tone voice, I replied, " It would be very hard for me but that
wouldn't be an excuse for me not to love you"
He continued, "If you were blind, would you still love all my creations?"
I swallowed hard. How could it be possible for me to love and appreciate
anything if I were unable to see? Suddenly I heard a voice inside me,
" There are a lot of blind people out there who are unable to see but
they still love ALLAH and His creation."
A surge of strength sipped through me. " It is unimaginable to live
in such condition, O ALLAH but I have no doubt that You will still
be in my heart."
Again, I heard a question, " If you were fated to be deaf, would you
still listen to and obey Me?"
I was speechless. How would it be possible for me to hear if I were deaf?
Slowly, I nodded. To listen doesn't necessarily mean we have to use our
ears. hearts can listen too , right?
With that, I confidently replied " Even though that fate would be very
tough for me, I would still love You,of course"
"If you were numb, would you still praise Me?"
How could I praise Him if I were unable to speak? Hmm..what important is,
the praises come from the bottom of our hearts.
" Even though I wouldn't be able to vocalise my praises to you, that
wouldn't stop me from praising You, my Lord"
And He continued to ask, "Are you sure that you love Me?"
Unequivocally, I answered, "Yes!You are right, Allah. I love You
because You are my only and the truly God,".
I thought that answer was good enough but He asked again,
" Why do you still commit sin if you believe that you are always
being observed by Me?"
I dropped my head slowly. I kept silent.
" Why do you always forget Me when you are happy and delightful?
Why do you run away from Me when you are free of problems and
only remember me when you are in misery or in need of help??why???"
I was so ashamed that I was unable to even think of the answer.
Responsively, tears oozed down my cheeks and I had no strength to stop them.
He asked again, " why do you, at one time prostrate before Me but at
other times turn away from Me and neglect Me?"
Tears flowed down my cheek faster and I was stammered.
" Why do you refuse to spread My messages and the teaching of Islam?
When you are in sorrow and trouble,why do you always moan and
complain to other than Me when I Am always there, willing to listen
to all your complaints and problems? Why do you always make
excuses when I give you the chance to serve fi sabilillah (on His path)?"
I forced myself to open my mouth but no voice came out. My tongue
was frozen. It felt like I had never learned how to speak. My legs turned jelly.
He added, " you are given a life, I have given you specialty and uniqueness,
compared to other people, in order for you to strive and serve fi sabilillah
but you still turn away and wander from My path. I give you my Words as
a guidance for you in your life, but you refuse to take benefit from it."
" I always talk to you but you always turn your back to Me. I sent My
messenger to you but you are negligent to his Sunnah . I listen to all
your complaints and always grant your wishes in many ways."
He continued, "now, do you love me?"
I was too weak to answer Him. How could I answer Him? I'm ashamed
of what I've done all this while. I have no more excuses to protect myself.
While my heart was grieving in sorrow and regret, I replied, " O Allah, please
forgive me for all my sin and misdeed. I am an ungrateful servant, my Lord"
He responded, " My character is forgiving.. whoever asks for my forgiveness,
for sure I will give him my forgiveness. And for you, I forgive you, My servant"
Suddenly my feet felt too weak to support my body. I fell to the ground
Sobbing, I asked, "Why are still willing to forgive me even when I
continuously commit sin and then ask for your forgiveness? Is your
love that strong towards me, O Allah?"
His reply was, " because you are My creation. I will never neglect you.
Whenever you cry, I will symphatise with you and listen to all your complaints.
Whenever you are lonely and in misery, I will give you strength and spirit.
Whenever you are weak, I will help you. I will always be with you and
I will always love you,"
As far as I can remember, I have never cried that hard before..I couldn't
fathom why my heart was so hard all this while; unable to feel sorry for
all my misdeed and sin. On that day, for the first time in my entire life,
I prayed with all my heart and I still do that until today. O Allah, how
beautiful and serene it is to be able to feel Your presence all the time...